As I said on my home page, my journey on this planet has been a kaleidoscope of events and emotions that brought me to ask a fundamental question – WTF?

Yes…WTF, What The F…!

I believe we are all destined to ask this very question. For some, you will not use these terms. However, we are all on a journey of discovering who we are, why we are here and for what purpose we were made.

Having lived two- thirds of my life and facing the last third, I was brought to a place of complete brokenness, despair and a sense of meaninglessness.  With the last bits of energy and passion I had left, I cried out to the Great Source, the Creator of all and voiced my disappointment, anger and pain in no uncertain terms.

The many roads I had travelled and the experiences they had given me, had left me confused and shattered. Life had let me down. My perception was that my faith had failed me.  I had even failed myself. The worst was perceiving that even my God and Creator had abandoned me.  My lessons had been heart-wrenching, and I was left weary, feeling unloved with nowhere to place my trust.  The very essence of my life was draining out of my soul.  Most of my dreams and aspirations lay shattered and broken, and I felt I was left with no purpose.  With every tear, I longed for my last breath.  What is this all about?

Yeah, WTF?!

Here’s a treasure – my journey wasn’t over –  it’s still not over!

I want to share what I proceeded to go through and where I am now. Many of you have been on a similar journey. Perhaps you are in the midst of one right now or still have one to face.

I asked.
I knocked.
For many days and weeks, I sought.

Living through the “dark night of the soul”, I had come to the end of myself.  I did the only thing left for me to do; I relinquished control and surrendered…   

Beginning to pupate, I gladly laid that wretched worm, that I felt myself to be, down to die.  Feeling yourself disintegrating and becoming gloop is not a pretty process.  Oh my, but what a valuable and rewarding process it is!  Dissolving my plans, I had to lay my heart and soul down and strip it naked to make myself vulnerable.  With laboured breath and exhaustion, I pictured myself crawling through a desert to a miraged oasis.

There I was welcomed, embraced and cocooned within the winged arms of the Almighty.  Comfort enveloped me, and I breathed in the sense of the beloved.  With loving kindness and in communion with my Creator, sharing and exchanging intimate thoughts and feelings, life began to return to my cells. Thought patterns started transforming, and my wings began to form.

Treasures began to be built into the fibres of my being.

The iridescence, which allows the glorious splendour of all reflecting and refracting light to form the myriad of colours we see, was being woven into my wings.  My opaque cataracted eyes had their lenses replaced.

My WTF became … Where To Forever.  I had been given “Forever Eyes”.

Tears of Gratitude were gifted to me to help me clear out the grit and grime that we accumulate daily, which distort our vision.  So much happened during that time.  I was being reformed, restored, rewired, rejuvenated, reborn and awakened with a handful of revelations.  The conduit of gold that I had once understood represented a part of my purpose in life, took on a new meaning.  There were more facets to this instrument.  I was always designed to be a channel of the molten metal that flows from the City whose streets are paved with gold.

The essential change – my perspective.  This allowed me to see things from a different angle, through an unfamiliar filter, to re-focus.  I began to see with greater clarity which revealed purpose.  My life was not meaningless!

I emerged from my cocoon, tentatively stretching my wings.  Although this is my soul’s journey, I am now aware that I am in partnership with my God and Creator.  I am deeply grateful for having been brought to the end of myself. I have been given the privilege of being transformed.  With renewed, clearer vision and wings to fly, my journey continues.  My future entries will expand on many of these concepts,  and I look forward to sharing them with you.

So…what is the purpose of my WTF blog?

The purpose is to share my thoughts and treasures as they are given to me along my journey.  My treasures are valuable, but their value is only obtained when they are shared and given away.

One of my best revelations is that we are on this planet to connect with and heal one another.  If my story and blogs can bring light and hope to just a few people on their journey, then I am fulfilling my life’s purpose.  A wonderful part is that as much as I have to give to you, you have to give to me.  Blogs become interactive.  So journey with me.  Let us bring each other healing for our brokenness, shine light into our darkness and evoke laughter for our tears. Let us turn our pain into joy, breathe life into that which is dying within us, and the greatest of all, spread love, which conquers our fears.

As Rabbi Nathan Segal said:

“From you I receive,
to you I give,
together we share,
and from this, we live.”

There is so much magnificence out there – journey with me.