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Walking through Fire

Walking through Fire

Jan 6, 2023 | Uncategorised

I didn’t choose to go walking through fire, not like in a fire walking way.  However, in retrospect, I now see that some of my choices in life had undoubtedly left me feeling scorched and burnt.  Looking back, I now understand that walking through fire has transformed me.  Isn’t it often true that hindsight can bring clarity?

Walking through fire has been a gift to me,

and my scorching experiences have shown me that I am loved. 

Let me tell you my personal and unique love story from God.

Adorned with Glistening Jewels

From a young age, I have been fascinated with pretty coloured rocks.  Like most little girls, I dreamed of being clothed in a dazzling dress and adorned with many glistening jewels.  I paraded as a princess and savoured my splendour.  I even dreamed of being a beloved bride, radiant and resplendent.  Indeed, I saw myself as the chosen one, cherished and treasured.  Not only had I dreamed that, but I had been chosen and cherished.

However, over decades and various relationships, I had also been betrayed, rejected and emotionally abused. Every relationship brought a different kind of wounding. I was left feeling confused and heartbroken, feeling worthless and finally hopeless.

Not only did I feel that no man had truly loved me, but I felt that God, my creator, couldn’t have loved me either. How could a loving God allow such pain, suffering and heartache? My unravelling led me to question the identity of who I believe God is, and so I started my quest to find His name.     

Golden Citrines

It was December 2017 when my best friend from high school, Jacqui, invited me to spend the last days of 2017 with her and bring in the new year.  She told me that God loved me more than all the gold, silver and jewels in the world.  I replied, “Yeah, blah, blah, fishpaste.”  She asked me to make us some tea and walked out of the room.  After that, she returned with gold, silver and jewels.  She placed them on the table in front of me.  Before me lay a delicate gold wrist chain, silver hooped earrings and a stunning set of citrine earrings with a matching ring, set in silver.

 

Citrine set - ring & earrings

Jacqui fastened the gold chain around my wrist.  She instructed me never to take it off. It would remind me that God loves me every time I feel or see it.  The citrine jewellery, she told me, was my colour, and therefore she wanted me to have it. 

Consequently, her sacrificial act of gifting me with her personal, valuable jewellery as a symbol and reminder of God’s love for me began to soften my heart. 

Seeking God in India

Following that, I continued on my quest to find out the name of God.  I came across a group advertising a tour to India asking, “What makes your soul smile?”  This appealed to me. I could do with a smiling soul!  Besides, India is known as the land of enlightenment for those seeking God.  So at the end of February 2018, I left for India to join this group.  My heart was hoping to end my trip knowing who God is.  I wanted to call Him by name.  Read how I turned over many stones on my quest.

 

Drawn to Amethysts

When finding out that I was travelling to India, my brother Lyell told me to buy myself some Mala beads as a gift from him.  Traditionally these are prayer beads meant to help you focus during meditation.  They are often made with sandalwood and can incorporate semi-precious stones. 

Whilst I was in Rishikesh, a city renowned for studying yoga and meditation, I was drawn to a set of mala beads made with amethysts.

Amethyst Mala beads

I know God’s name!

Travelling around India was a fascinating experience.  I loved the vibrant colours, the aromatic food,  the variety of clothing, the marbled architecture mixed in with simple shacks and the diversity of people.  It is a land of contrasts.

By the time I left India in mid-March 2018, it was indeed the land of enlightenment.  God revealed himself to me and I know His name!

He is “I am”.

He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, who offered His son Jesus as the Passover Lamb,

the final blood atonement.

He is the God who created me because He wants a personal relationship with me.  The God of Jeremiah 33:3 says, “Call to me and I will answer you.  I will tell you great and wondrous things, unsearchable on your own.”

 

Devotion

Many things made an impression on me in India.  One of them was the devotion that I saw.  Followers of whatever faith they had chosen expressed devotion to their god.  I was inspired.  Knowing who God really is, I realised I needed to learn to be devoted to Him.  Even though I knew this, I still didn’t really believe that God loved me.

 

A message from God

On Easter Sunday, 1 April 2018, I attended a church presentation that my son was taking part in.  After the service, a good friend of mine, Brian, whom I had known for many years, told me he had a message for me from God.  Surprised, I eagerly waited to hear it.

He asked me what my favourite colour was, and I replied, “Green.”  “I knew you would say that,” he said.  I felt a little amused.  Brian then proceeded to tell me that amethysts were special to me.  Now I was intrigued. It had only been a few weeks before when I had bought my amethyst mala beads. A fact that he did not know.

He continued to tell me, “God wants you to know that He sees you as a precious green amethyst in His sight.”  I was now not only intrigued but puzzled.  Amethysts are purple, not green!  I didn’t want to correct him and put my foot in it, as he had presented this as a message from God.  I hope my facial expression didn’t reveal too much.  So I just thanked him for my message.

 

Green Amethysts

I was now extremely curious.  When I got home, I consulted my friend Google.  Are amethysts ever green? The answer is YES. 

Green amethyst -a result of walking through fire

Amethysts are naturally purple or violet.  However, when heat is applied, they turn one of two colours. When an amethyst turns green, it is called a prasiolite,

OR when it turns an orangey-yellow, it is then called a citrine.

 

Citrines

Walking through Fire

Did that blow me away or what? Truth was revealed to me, and I felt my heart become tender. Tears flowed down my cheeks.  Firstly, I am gifted citrines. Then I am gifted with amethysts.  Finally, I’m told I am a precious green amethyst in the eyes of God.

The words that I felt resonating in my heart were, “Now do you believe that I love you?  I know you have been walking through fire, but I have transformed you into two beautiful new jewels”.

God had taken a few months, three people and three jewels to weave such a personal and intricate love story in a form that He knew would appeal to me.  The little girl who loved pretty rocks is irrefutably shown that she is loved.

 Walking through fire has transformed me,

and now I know that I am loved! 

My eyesight is fading – a change in perspective

My eyesight is fading – a change in perspective

Nov 27, 2020 | Uncategorised

Whilst travelling through India in March 2018, a small group of girls from our tour were riding in a tuk-tuk travelling to our next tourist spot in Delhi.  Someone pointed to something of interest as we travelled passed.  One of the girls said that she couldn’t see this and exclaimed: “My eyesight is fading!”  One of the others laughed and said she had no problem with her eyesight.  Another declared: “That’s because you’re still young, wait until you turn 50!”

Did you know that vision problems occur for a variety of reasons, but an imbalance in hormone levels is often the underlying cause?  From childhood to old age everyone experiences hormone fluctuations which can affect all parts of the body including the eyes.  So it comes as no surprise that as we age our eyesight deteriorates.

A change in perspective

That got me thinking. When your outer vision begins to fail that is a sure sign that your inner vision should be developing. We all need a change in perspective – a metaphorical replacement of lenses – to see with the eyes of your heart. Have you turned your thoughts, intentions and actions into a deeper spiritual journey? Surely 2020 and the coronavirus has given us ample opportunity for this change. Perhaps you only started on a change in perspective in this watershed year or did your journey begin through some other challenging circumstance? I believe that a change in perspective often comes through surviving some form of tragedy or heartache.

Clear inner vision, focused perspective

My change in perspective and how I looked at life and its meaning began in 2017. That was a time when I had seriously contemplated the meaning of my existence. Life had gravely disappointed me. I had come to the place of surrender of my dreams and aspirations and essentially the essence of who I believed I was. In that space I encountered God.

Accepted

Firstly I had experienced God’s acceptance of the mess of who I believed I was at the time.  A devastated, broken, hurt and angry little crumpled ball with no energy left to look to the future.  In that mess I experienced compassion, gentleness, being embraced and accepted and my healing began.  I knew I had encountered my Creator but I had trust issues at the time that didn’t allow me to believe that I was truly loved.

I was also not too sure of who God and my Creator truly is and so my quest began. My search for the true identity and nature of God.  I turned over many stones in my pursuit and asked many questions and even challenged God a few times.  I remember once saying to God: “If you are real then where is my angel or my writing on the wall?”  My answer came;

“Do not seek the supernatural things, but the supernatural One and the things will follow”.

Read more about how I encountered the supernatural One in my blog “Who is God?”

Forever Eyes

My transformation had started. My expedition of exploration had taken me to the other side of the world.  The colourful world of India, a place known for its enlightenment.  I still want to share about that amazing trip that helped me to refocus and continue my journey of seeing with “forever eyes”.

Ephesians 1: 18  “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened (flooded with light), so that you can know (and understand) the hope to which He has called you. How rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints”.

With my enlightened “forever eyes” I now see and understand what Paul has written.  We have an amazing hope.  We don’t live on hopium, this is a promise.  Not only do we have an inheritance to go to be with God when we leave this earth, but we are God’s inheritance!  Let that settle in… we are God’s rich glorious inheritance.  You, are God’s rich glorious inheritance.

How’s that for a change in perspective?

Goodness of God

I believed in eternal life and that I would one day experience the goodness of God in heaven.  But what I longed and hoped for, was to see the goodness of God here on earth.  My amazing journey of surrendering, seeking, asking and turning over stones brought me to a place where I can truly say I have seen the goodness of God here on earth.  Do I still face challenges and difficult times?  Definitely, but my perspective has changed.  My focus has changed and my life circumstances have changed dramatically.

My feelings of my hope being restored and experiencing God’s goodness on this side of eternity, resonate in the words of King David in Psalm 27.  It describes much of his turbulent life and yet his faith in God.  When I read the last 2 verses of Psalm 27: 13 – 14 from the Amplified version, I so identify with what he has to say.

“What would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!  Wait and hope for and expect the Lord.  Be strong and of good courage.  Let your heart be stout and enduring.  Yes, wait for and hope and expect the Lord.”

Go on your own quest

I want to encourage you to go on your own quest. Go, seek earnestly, ask, turn over your own stones if need be and wait and expect. David purposefully repeats himself: “ Yes, wait for and hope and expect the Lord.”

This is what you can expect

Jeremiah 29:13  “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart”

Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see You
Who is God?

Who is God?

Oct 13, 2020 | Uncategorised

I have returned!  For over two years, I have been silent on my blog.  So where have I been, and can I explain my disappearance?  To begin with, I have been discovering the answer to my question: “Who is God?”

Then my mother went to the hospital after falling. Whilst there, she turned eighty-five.  I witnessed and shared her journey as she slowly withdrew from the life she knew and faced her mortality.  Eleven weeks after her fall, she peacefully passed from this world into the next.  She died well.  More reflection followed together with the grieving process.

In addition, many months later, quite surprisingly, I met the love of my life.  A friendship developed, blossomed into a courtship and culminated in a marriage.  Our honeymoon ended just two weeks short of lockdown due to COVID-19.  Amazing what asking three little words with huge meanings and enormous consequences can do. Who is God?  Now that you know why I disappeared, let me start sharing my reflections.

 

Incredible India

The last time you heard from me, I was about to embark on my trip to India.  Incredible India, as she is fondly referred to, had never been on my bucket list.  However, my passport was facing not having been used for over twenty years.  So I decided it was time to treat myself, to leave our sunny shores and venture elsewhere. I was drawn to India, a country with a heart, by a group tour called “What makes your soul smile?” Many adventures were on offer, including soul searching lessons in the land of enlightenment. This really appealed to me.

On a quest to find God

Those of you who have read my previous articles know I have been on a journey of questioning my life and my faith. I have pondered the circumstances that lead to my brokenness.  My question “WTF?” was transformed to ”Where to Forever”.    Click here to read how that came about.

Besides wanting to travel again and see the world from a different perspective, I was fervently on a quest to find God.  I had come to the end of myself and knew that I needed to connect with the one who had made me and must surely know what’s best for me.  My dilemma was that I didn’t know the true identity of God.

My disappointment in the church

I had been actively involved in the church for most of my adult years.  I enjoyed many seasons of growth and a sense of belonging.  Sadly, I also experienced a season of hurt and what I perceived to be  judgement.  My feeling of belonging dissipated, and I left the flock to go on a proverbial “walkabout.”

Did you know that walkabout is a rite of passage for a male in Aboriginal society?  At puberty, he is required to live in the wilderness for as long as up to six months.  During this time, he makes a spiritual and traditional transition into manhood.

I identify with this.  Having gone through my own wilderness for more than six months, I can bear witness that such an intentional focus leads to a spiritual transition.

Who is God?

I was determined to find out who God really is.  I had spoken to God very frankly as to how I felt about life and how disappointed I had been in so many ways.  Looking to the future, I had been left feeling without purpose.  However, now I was in a frame of mind to acknowledge that only God could give me a purpose in life.  Yet, I needed to know more about his nature and find his name.

I turned over many stones

On my quest to find the nature, form and name of God, I turned over many stones.  I was fearlessly enquiring as I wanted answers.  I took two journeys under the influence of psilocybin (magic mushrooms). What that did was to make me aware that I am an ancient and eternal being and that I am loved.  I experienced exquisite beauty, affirmation and acceptance like I had never felt before.  It was then that I was gifted with what I call my “tears of gratitude”.  I believe I had a glimpse into heaven.  Perhaps another blog?

Having the knowledge that I am an ancient eternal being, I looked into reincarnation and Buddhism.  So my trip to India was to be part of my enlightenment.  It wasn’t just to be a holiday.  I had been told by a friend who believes in reincarnation that I would find the keys that I had dropped in a previous lifetime.  Statistically, it makes sense that if one in every six people on earth lives in India, you will have spent at least one life there. So wherever I went, I waited for my déjà vu feeling; did I feel that I had experienced this before?

I never got to experience déjà vu.  What I did get to experience was the humility of most people, their respect for their fellow man and their ardent devotion to whomever they believe God to be.  I left India knowing that I also wanted to show devotion to God.  Not religious piety but an intentional act of giving and receiving love, affection and affirmation.  Yes we receive affirmation from God, but in expressing and declaring what we feel for him, we affirm him too.  It’s a shared dance of love, being embraced and feeling nurtured.

So did I find God?

The answer is yes, but the accurate statement is that God revealed himself to me.  I loved India more than I thought I would.  The colours, the smells, not counting the few bad ones, the sights, the food, the clothing, the architecture, the history, the people.  I came away with quite a few treasures from India.

But the greatest treasure I came away with is knowing who God is.

Reincarnation

For months before my quest, I had grappled feeling that life had been cruel and very challenging.  It was not what I had signed up for. Therefore I was not enamoured with the belief that I had to come back and live many more difficult lives of my own choosing.

Those who believe in reincarnation feel that they choose the difficult circumstances that they come back to.  This is to achieve progress in the development of their soul.  To strive to be better than you were in your previous life.  Only when you live out the best, the most moral incarnation of yourself, can you find salvation or birthlessness.  Your reward is to be liberated from samsara, the cycle of rebirth.  Finally, your soul gets to rest.

Coming back to live many difficult lives just didn’t resonate with me.  I hadn’t enjoyed this lifetime; why would I want many more?  Letting go of my ego, thereby allowing me to achieve my best moral incarnation, also didn’t make logical sense.  How could my salvation lie within my own efforts?

Tears of gratitude

God revealed that He is the way for me to be liberated from samsara.  I don’t have to strive through myriads of difficult lifetimes to earn my way into His presence.  Eternal life is offered to me as a gift, and He alone is my salvation. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.

The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob offered his son Jesus as the Passover Lamb.  The angel of death can pass over me, and when I leave the earth from this lifetime, I arrive to be ushered into the presence of God.  My mistakes, my shortcomings and the flaws in my character are covered over by the blood of the lamb.  He loves me just as I am. I don’t have to strive to please Him.  All He requires is that I accept His gift and allow Him to love me.

God created me because He wants a personal relationship with me.  He wants to dance with me. To sing over me and to quiet me with His love.  Zephaniah 3:17.  With this revelation, it was easy to choose.

The magnitude of the revelation of this great gift of salvation

 resulted in many tears of gratitude.

I know who God is

I had previously been overwhelmed with disappointment, despair and hopelessness.  Now I was overcome with life, expectancy and hope.  I still had many questions unanswered, and I still struggled to believe that I was truly loved, but I finally knew who God is, and I know His name.

 His name is Jesus.

What followed were the many months of how I finally came to believe that God truly loves me. How my life has changed since then!  God took a few months, three cities and three jewels to show me He loves me.  It transpired in such a fascinating way that it took me by surprise, and I couldn’t deny it. It is irrefutable.  A love story that I look forward to sharing. The link is below.

Walking through fire, how God showed me He loves me.

Sleeping under Wings

Sleeping under Wings

Mar 28, 2018 | Uncategorised

It suddenly struck me the other day that when I go to sleep at night I am sleeping under wings. 

I can just hear some of you saying “Okay, please explain yourself”.  My notion of sleeping under wings is thanks to the age of the duvet rather than the blanket.

The duvet really started to become well used in the 1970’s in Britain where it was commonly called the Continental Quilt.  Sir Terence Conran (founder of Habitat, a retail store for household goods) discovered duvets being used in Sweden. He then became the first to sell them in Britain in May 1964.

The word duvet is of French origin, meaning “down” – the first feathering of young birds.  Today a duvet may be stuffed with feathers from ducks or geese or synthetic fibres.  Picturing my duvet stuffed with feathers made me realise that I am sleeping under wings.

 

Your inner sanctuary and the significance of sleep

As I snuggled under my duvet and pondered about sleeping under wings, a few thoughts came to mind.  Getting into bed to prepare for sleep should be one of the most relaxing and safe places to be – your inner sanctuary.  When you feel safe and secure, you can succumb to sublime slumber.

When you sleep your body restores itself.  According to the National Sleep Foundation in the US, blood pressure drops, breathing slows down, blood flow moves to the muscles and tissue is repaired.  Hormones, such as the human growth hormone, are secreted at this time as well.  So sleep is vital for growth and healing to take place.  Just think of the times you have heard of someone who has been severely injured.  A medically induced coma is the best way for the body to repair itself in the shortest time.  Therefore it is not surprising that sleep should form about a third of each day.  It’s your body’s natural therapy session.

 

Dreams and wings

Sleep also allows us to dream.  There are many theories about why we dream, but no one knows for sure.  Sigmund Freud believed that dreams are a window into our subconscious mind.  On the other extreme are those who believe there is no real significance to our dreams.

I believe that our dreams are one way that our brains sort through the information we have gathered throughout the day and the multitude of days in the years before.  We may know very little about how to interpret our dreams but I do believe they are significant.

 

Have you ever dreamt you were flying?

To some people dreaming of flying is an escape.  For a number of years I recall dreaming of flying and indeed, it was an escape from danger.  At first I had to flap my arms and take a running jump and just at the last moments before danger ensnared me I became airborne and flew to safety.  Scary but exhilarating!

In later years my dreams of flying became pure pleasure with a bird’s eye view of the scenery below.  I was able to experiment with my flying skills and by then could just launch off a building or the ground and glide and soar.  Not only was this exhilarating but joyful and liberating.  Did I know what my dreams of flying meant?  Mostly no, but I so enjoyed to fly in my dreams and I was aware that they had become flights of fun and not of fear.

Sadly I haven’t flown in my dreams for quite a few years now.  I am confident that I will fly again.  I certainly know that when I cross over to the other side I shall experience those flights of joy, exploration and wonder.  Yes, “Where To Forever!”

The wings of safety, comfort and protection

Why am I so enamoured with the concept of sleeping under wings?  As I thought about the idea, I enjoyed the sense of safety, comfort and protection that it evoked.  Picture a mother hen gathering her chicks under her wings.  That’s what we as loving parents do for our young.  That’s what our Creator longs to do for us.

There are so many references in the Psalms that refer to the protective wings of God.  God’s love is like a mother hen who hides us under her wings.  When you know you are loved and have a place of safety to go to, you don’t even hesitate to run there for shelter in times of trouble.

That’s God’s love for us.  A sanctuary, a place of refuge, a shelter in the storm.  A place to snuggle up and rest.  A safe haven where we can close our eyes, breathe in peace and succumb to sublime slumber.

 

May I encourage you to think about those wings when you lay your weary head down to sleep.  Alone or with a partner beside you.  Breathe in the presence of the Eternal One, breathe out the worries of your day.  Lay them to rest.  It’s the sacred time for your body, mind and soul to restore itself and rejuvenate.  It’s your personal therapy session.  Treasure this time of slumber,  for you are sleeping under wings.

What colour is your crayon?

What colour is your crayon?

Mar 7, 2018 | Uncategorised

We all colour the world around us just by being who we are.  Our personality, our attitudes, the way we dress, our mannerisms and even the expressions we use both facially and verbally. These can all affect the way we make people feel and are just a few of the aspects of how we colour our world.  These all contribute to the colour of your crayon.

 

 

What is colour actually and how do we ‘see’ it? 

Perceiving colour is actually the human eye and brain together translating light into colour.  Light receptors within the eye transmit messages to the brain, which produces the familiar sensations of colour. Sir Isaac Newton observed that colour is not built-in or inherent in objects.  Rather, the surface of an object reflects some colours and absorbs all the others.  Therefore what we see as an object’s colour is actually only the colours that are reflected.  Thus, green is not ‘in’ an apple.  The surface of the apple is reflecting the wavelengths we see as green and absorbing all the rest.  When an object appears white, it is reflecting all the wavelengths of colour.  When it appears black, it is absorbing them all.

 

A few interesting facts about colour

There are so many of these but I have chosen a few that are thought provoking, amusing or just unusual and unexpected.

  • Just after birth, a baby sees only in black and white. Red is the first colour they see probably because it has the longest wavelength. This makes it the easiest to process by the developing receptors and nerves in the baby’s eyes.
  • Carrots weren’t originally orange but purple. Hot chocolate tastes better in an orange coloured cup.
  • Yellow is the most luminous colour and most stimulating to the brain therefore making you feel hungry.
  • The human eye can detect more shades of green than any other colour. Only 2% of the world’s population have naturally green eyes.
  • Blue is the most popular colour and most favoured by males and mosquitoes.
  • Originally the colour purple came from a dye from the mucus glands of a tropical sea snail known as the murex. Hence, being rare, it is associated with royalty, nobility and luxury.
  • Pink is a calming colour and has been used in prison cells to effectively reduce anger and erratic behaviour.
  • The colour brown can be created by mixing all the colours together and is perceived by many to be unpretentious or wholesome.
  • Being colour blind affects about 1 in 12 males and 1 in 200 females. It means you are unable to fully ‘see’ red, green or blue light to varying degrees.  At first you are unaware that you have this limited vision and there is no knowing when you will come to the realisation.

To conclude my description of what colour actually is, an interpretation by the brain, I am compelled to quote Terry Pratchett.  In his satirical novel “The Colour of Magic” he calls his colour octarine “a pigment of imagination.”

 

Perhaps seeing colour in a new light, I ask again, what colour is your crayon?

 When I ask myself that question, a few things come to mind.  I picture how I perceive I have coloured and continue to colour my world.  I also think about how I understand others have coloured my world too.  Remember colour is not intrinsic but an interpretation of what we see reflected and we may just be colour blind. Perhaps not physically but in our ability to comprehend.

I imagine that every one of us is given a box of coloured crayons when we are born.  I think it’s a treasure chest generously filled with many colours.  As we grow and mature we reach in and pick out those that represent who we are at the time, a reflection of our soul.  These we carry around with us in our small portable pencil box, this is our palette for the present.  I picture holding one colour crayon at a time and as the day progresses, we exchange them as we tint and shade our world.

The family and community in which we live and grow up in, also has a great influence in the colours we choose because of how they are culturally perceived.

 

How some colours are viewed differently in various cultures.

White is generally seen as a positive colour associated with purity, innocence, peace and goodness.  It is the traditional colour worn by brides throughout Western countries.  In Eastern countries, the colour white is worn for mourning and death.

Red symbolizes excitement, energy, passion, love and danger in Western cultures.  It’s also associated with communism and revolution in countries like Russia.  In Asian cultures it symbolises good luck, joy, prosperity, celebration, happiness and a long life.  That’s why Asian brides chose red for their marriage celebrations.

In Western cultures, blue is commonly associated with feeling depressed, melancholy and loneliness.  Hence, having “the blues” but it also symbolises trust, security and authority.  In many Middle Eastern countries, blue means safety and protection and is symbolic of heaven, spirituality and immortality.

Green represents luck, nature, environmental awareness, wealth, inexperience and jealousy in Western cultures.  In the Middle East green represents fertility, luck and wealth.  In Eastern cultures green symbolizes youth, fertility and new life.

 

So I cannot even begin to suggest what a colour may represent to you but I can ask you what your intention is behind you choosing your portable palette and the colour of the crayons you hold for the day.

So how do we choose our colours?

At first, when we are young, I believe these are chosen subconsciously, in a way in which we are not even aware.  This points to the family and community that I referred to.  Human beings are such dynamic creatures that it comes as no surprise to realise that your palette of colours change over time.

With age we progress on our journey of life and mature by varying degrees.  We begin to develop mindfulness and consciousness which influences our choices of the colour crayons we pick.  As we begin to understand intention our minds go back to the treasure chest and we change the array in our pencil box to more accurately reflect the colours of our soul.

Your intention determines the hue and intensity of the colours you choose and how you use them.  The interesting thing about intention is that it can change the effect of the colour of your crayon.  Take red for example.  It is the colour of passion.  Applied positively it can signify celebration, joy and love.  Given the opposite intention it signifies anger, oppression and even murder.   That is the power of intention.

Is your intention to bring vibrancy, positive energy, enlightenment and harmony or is your intention to diminish, to bring bondage, fear and discord?  The tragedy is that some of us may not even be mindful of the colours that we carry or even be aware that we are bringing oppression and not upliftment.

Take some time to consider this:

Every morning as you prepare yourself for the day, be mindful. Consciously choose the portable palette that you carry and the colours that you have chosen to paint with for the day.  What is the intention behind the effect that you will create?

 

What colour is your crayon?

Brokenness is beautiful – Kintsugi

Brokenness is beautiful – Kintsugi

Feb 21, 2018 | Uncategorised

We have all been broken, and it’s not a beautiful experience or a state to be in.

There are many circumstances and reasons that cause us to be or feel broken. Some are emotional, some physical and some spiritual. It is usually when things don’t work out as we expect them to.

Disappointments, betrayals, the end of a significant relationship, or the death of a loved one. Perhaps a physical assault or being retrenched. Maybe a trigger that makes us challenge our beliefs and faith, or maybe even a pure accident. All leave us with a sense of loss. Some experiences may only leave us feeling bruised or cracked, but the most significant are those that leave us shattered.

So how can I state that brokenness is beautiful?

It was during the time when I was left feeling not only broken, but without purpose when I came across Kintsugi. It was a word in season for me. A refreshing shower of rain on a much parched land.

Kintsugi, also known as Kintsukuroi, is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with a special lacquer or epoxy dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. The philosophy behind the technique is to recognize the history of the object and to visibly incorporate the repair into the new piece instead of disguising it. Not only is the brokenness highlighted, but the piece is seen to be more valuable and more beautiful because of its brokenness.

 

What a beautiful philosophy!

Interwoven with this is another Japanese philosophy, Wabi-Sabi.  Simply put, it means finding beauty in imperfection. 

Citrine set - ring & earrings

Kintsugi – the art form that brings restoration, honouring the journey – the art of precious scars.

Understanding the value in this Kintsugi process, I presented my broken heart to the Master Restorer.

My plans had been foiled, my dreams had faded , and my hopes had been dashed. Promises made had been snatched out of my hands, and my spirit had been left crushed. As the broken pottery, I had to surrender, knowing I could not fix myself. Surrendering is essentially relinquishing control. If you are anything like me, this isn’t a snap decision nor an easy process, but I knew I had neither the skills nor the resources to repair myself. The Restorer took time, precision and great care. A sense of comfort and relaxation came upon me in giving in to the process. The reconstruction was now out of my hands and in those of one far more qualified and skilled than I. Breathing in deeply and surrendering ushered in a feeling of relief. 

 Picture it as submitting yourself to an anaesthetic and the hands of an expert surgeon.    When you are that broken and in pain, you need to turn to someone else to help fix you.  Not only that, but you are only too willing as you want the pain and suffering to cease.

 

Amethyst Mala beads

During this time, I started to learn some very precious lessons, which are ongoing in this classroom of life.

One of the first was patience, which had never been one of my strengths. The most difficult lesson was to let go of how I viewed myself. My need to be wanted, accepted, appreciated and to feel significant. Feeling broken, my sense of value and purpose had been destroyed too.

The greatest lesson that I was learning was that I was worthy of being restored. 

In being reconstructed, I recognised that I had a slightly altered form which gave me a new purpose.  I had no need to feel shame from my scars of brokenness, imperfection and my sense of failure.  They didn’t need to be hidden. The truth is they need to be visible to remind me of my journey and to others to portray hope.  Scars are also a symbol of having been vulnerable as well as healed.

One of the most encouraging lessons is that when I see myself, I see the scars or veins of gold that represent healing, renewed life and hope.  Lyrics of an early 70’s song come to me, which I have altered to ”You’re so veined”!  Sorry Carly Simon, but that makes me chuckle, (dare I say it cracks me up), as I can now appreciate my imperfect beauty.

 

I’m a Kintsugi girl.

Consider these concepts in your life.  You are more valuable for being broken, and more beautiful for being imperfect.

 

Yes, brokenness is beautiful!