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My eyesight is fading – a change in perspective

My eyesight is fading – a change in perspective

Whilst travelling through India in March 2018, a small group of girls from our tour were riding in a tuk-tuk travelling to our next tourist spot in Delhi.  Someone pointed to something of interest as we travelled passed.  One of the girls said that she couldn’t see this and exclaimed: “My eyesight is fading!”  One of the others laughed and said she had no problem with her eyesight.  Another declared: “That’s because you’re still young, wait until you turn 50!”

Did you know that vision problems occur for a variety of reasons, but an imbalance in hormone levels is often the underlying cause?  From childhood to old age everyone experiences hormone fluctuations which can affect all parts of the body including the eyes.  So it comes as no surprise that as we age our eyesight deteriorates.

A change in perspective

That got me thinking. When your outer vision begins to fail that is a sure sign that your inner vision should be developing. We all need a change in perspective – a metaphorical replacement of lenses – to see with the eyes of your heart. Have you turned your thoughts, intentions and actions into a deeper spiritual journey? Surely 2020 and the coronavirus has given us ample opportunity for this change. Perhaps you only started on a change in perspective in this watershed year or did your journey begin through some other challenging circumstance? I believe that a change in perspective often comes through surviving some form of tragedy or heartache.

Clear inner vision, focused perspective

My change in perspective and how I looked at life and its meaning began in 2017. That was a time when I had seriously contemplated the meaning of my existence. Life had gravely disappointed me. I had come to the place of surrender of my dreams and aspirations and essentially the essence of who I believed I was. In that space I encountered God.

Accepted

Firstly I had experienced God’s acceptance of the mess of who I believed I was at the time.  A devastated, broken, hurt and angry little crumpled ball with no energy left to look to the future.  In that mess I experienced compassion, gentleness, being embraced and accepted and my healing began.  I knew I had encountered my Creator but I had trust issues at the time that didn’t allow me to believe that I was truly loved.

I was also not too sure of who God and my Creator truly is and so my quest began. My search for the true identity and nature of God.  I turned over many stones in my pursuit and asked many questions and even challenged God a few times.  I remember once saying to God: “If you are real then where is my angel or my writing on the wall?”  My answer came;

“Do not seek the supernatural things, but the supernatural One and the things will follow”.

Read more about how I encountered the supernatural One in my blog “Who is God?”

Forever Eyes

My transformation had started. My expedition of exploration had taken me to the other side of the world.  The colourful world of India, a place known for its enlightenment.  I still want to share about that amazing trip that helped me to refocus and continue my journey of seeing with “forever eyes”.

Ephesians 1: 18  “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened (flooded with light), so that you can know (and understand) the hope to which He has called you. How rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints”.

With my enlightened “forever eyes” I now see and understand what Paul has written.  We have an amazing hope.  We don’t live on hopium, this is a promise.  Not only do we have an inheritance to go to be with God when we leave this earth, but we are God’s inheritance!  Let that settle in… we are God’s rich glorious inheritance.  You, are God’s rich glorious inheritance.

How’s that for a change in perspective?

Goodness of God

I believed in eternal life and that I would one day experience the goodness of God in heaven.  But what I longed and hoped for, was to see the goodness of God here on earth.  My amazing journey of surrendering, seeking, asking and turning over stones brought me to a place where I can truly say I have seen the goodness of God here on earth.  Do I still face challenges and difficult times?  Definitely, but my perspective has changed.  My focus has changed and my life circumstances have changed dramatically.

My feelings of my hope being restored and experiencing God’s goodness on this side of eternity, resonate in the words of King David in Psalm 27.  It describes much of his turbulent life and yet his faith in God.  When I read the last 2 verses of Psalm 27: 13 – 14 from the Amplified version, I so identify with what he has to say.

“What would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!  Wait and hope for and expect the Lord.  Be strong and of good courage.  Let your heart be stout and enduring.  Yes, wait for and hope and expect the Lord.”

Go on your own quest

I want to encourage you to go on your own quest. Go, seek earnestly, ask, turn over your own stones if need be and wait and expect. David purposefully repeats himself: “ Yes, wait for and hope and expect the Lord.”

This is what you can expect

Jeremiah 29:13  “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart”

Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see You
What colour is your crayon?

What colour is your crayon?

We all colour the world around us just by being who we are.  Our personality, our attitudes, the way we dress, our mannerisms and even the expressions we use both facially and verbally. These can all affect the way we make people feel and are just a few of the aspects of how we colour our world.  These all contribute to the colour of your crayon.

 

 

What is colour actually and how do we ‘see’ it? 

Perceiving colour is actually the human eye and brain together translating light into colour.  Light receptors within the eye transmit messages to the brain, which produces the familiar sensations of colour. Sir Isaac Newton observed that colour is not built-in or inherent in objects.  Rather, the surface of an object reflects some colours and absorbs all the others.  Therefore what we see as an object’s colour is actually only the colours that are reflected.  Thus, green is not ‘in’ an apple.  The surface of the apple is reflecting the wavelengths we see as green and absorbing all the rest.  When an object appears white, it is reflecting all the wavelengths of colour.  When it appears black, it is absorbing them all.

 

A few interesting facts about colour

There are so many of these but I have chosen a few that are thought provoking, amusing or just unusual and unexpected.

  • Just after birth, a baby sees only in black and white. Red is the first colour they see probably because it has the longest wavelength. This makes it the easiest to process by the developing receptors and nerves in the baby’s eyes.
  • Carrots weren’t originally orange but purple. Hot chocolate tastes better in an orange coloured cup.
  • Yellow is the most luminous colour and most stimulating to the brain therefore making you feel hungry.
  • The human eye can detect more shades of green than any other colour. Only 2% of the world’s population have naturally green eyes.
  • Blue is the most popular colour and most favoured by males and mosquitoes.
  • Originally the colour purple came from a dye from the mucus glands of a tropical sea snail known as the murex. Hence, being rare, it is associated with royalty, nobility and luxury.
  • Pink is a calming colour and has been used in prison cells to effectively reduce anger and erratic behaviour.
  • The colour brown can be created by mixing all the colours together and is perceived by many to be unpretentious or wholesome.
  • Being colour blind affects about 1 in 12 males and 1 in 200 females. It means you are unable to fully ‘see’ red, green or blue light to varying degrees.  At first you are unaware that you have this limited vision and there is no knowing when you will come to the realisation.

To conclude my description of what colour actually is, an interpretation by the brain, I am compelled to quote Terry Pratchett.  In his satirical novel “The Colour of Magic” he calls his colour octarine “a pigment of imagination.”

 

Perhaps seeing colour in a new light, I ask again, what colour is your crayon?

 When I ask myself that question, a few things come to mind.  I picture how I perceive I have coloured and continue to colour my world.  I also think about how I understand others have coloured my world too.  Remember colour is not intrinsic but an interpretation of what we see reflected and we may just be colour blind. Perhaps not physically but in our ability to comprehend.

I imagine that every one of us is given a box of coloured crayons when we are born.  I think it’s a treasure chest generously filled with many colours.  As we grow and mature we reach in and pick out those that represent who we are at the time, a reflection of our soul.  These we carry around with us in our small portable pencil box, this is our palette for the present.  I picture holding one colour crayon at a time and as the day progresses, we exchange them as we tint and shade our world.

The family and community in which we live and grow up in, also has a great influence in the colours we choose because of how they are culturally perceived.

 

How some colours are viewed differently in various cultures.

White is generally seen as a positive colour associated with purity, innocence, peace and goodness.  It is the traditional colour worn by brides throughout Western countries.  In Eastern countries, the colour white is worn for mourning and death.

Red symbolizes excitement, energy, passion, love and danger in Western cultures.  It’s also associated with communism and revolution in countries like Russia.  In Asian cultures it symbolises good luck, joy, prosperity, celebration, happiness and a long life.  That’s why Asian brides chose red for their marriage celebrations.

In Western cultures, blue is commonly associated with feeling depressed, melancholy and loneliness.  Hence, having “the blues” but it also symbolises trust, security and authority.  In many Middle Eastern countries, blue means safety and protection and is symbolic of heaven, spirituality and immortality.

Green represents luck, nature, environmental awareness, wealth, inexperience and jealousy in Western cultures.  In the Middle East green represents fertility, luck and wealth.  In Eastern cultures green symbolizes youth, fertility and new life.

 

So I cannot even begin to suggest what a colour may represent to you but I can ask you what your intention is behind you choosing your portable palette and the colour of the crayons you hold for the day.

So how do we choose our colours?

At first, when we are young, I believe these are chosen subconsciously, in a way in which we are not even aware.  This points to the family and community that I referred to.  Human beings are such dynamic creatures that it comes as no surprise to realise that your palette of colours change over time.

With age we progress on our journey of life and mature by varying degrees.  We begin to develop mindfulness and consciousness which influences our choices of the colour crayons we pick.  As we begin to understand intention our minds go back to the treasure chest and we change the array in our pencil box to more accurately reflect the colours of our soul.

Your intention determines the hue and intensity of the colours you choose and how you use them.  The interesting thing about intention is that it can change the effect of the colour of your crayon.  Take red for example.  It is the colour of passion.  Applied positively it can signify celebration, joy and love.  Given the opposite intention it signifies anger, oppression and even murder.   That is the power of intention.

Is your intention to bring vibrancy, positive energy, enlightenment and harmony or is your intention to diminish, to bring bondage, fear and discord?  The tragedy is that some of us may not even be mindful of the colours that we carry or even be aware that we are bringing oppression and not upliftment.

Take some time to consider this:

Every morning as you prepare yourself for the day, be mindful. Consciously choose the portable palette that you carry and the colours that you have chosen to paint with for the day.  What is the intention behind the effect that you will create?

 

What colour is your crayon?

Brokenness is beautiful – Kintsugi

Brokenness is beautiful – Kintsugi

We have all been broken, and it’s not a beautiful experience or a state to be in.

There are many circumstances and reasons that cause us to be or feel broken. Some are emotional, some physical and some spiritual. It is usually when things don’t work out as we expect them to.

Disappointments, betrayals, the end of a significant relationship, or the death of a loved one. Perhaps a physical assault or being retrenched. Maybe a trigger that makes us challenge our beliefs and faith, or maybe even a pure accident. All leave us with a sense of loss. Some experiences may only leave us feeling bruised or cracked, but the most significant are those that leave us shattered.

So how can I state that brokenness is beautiful?

It was during the time when I was left feeling not only broken, but without purpose when I came across Kintsugi. It was a word in season for me. A refreshing shower of rain on a much parched land.

Kintsugi, also known as Kintsukuroi, is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with a special lacquer or epoxy dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. The philosophy behind the technique is to recognize the history of the object and to visibly incorporate the repair into the new piece instead of disguising it. Not only is the brokenness highlighted, but the piece is seen to be more valuable and more beautiful because of its brokenness.

 

What a beautiful philosophy!

Interwoven with this is another Japanese philosophy, Wabi-Sabi.  Simply put, it means finding beauty in imperfection. 

Citrine set - ring & earrings

Kintsugi – the art form that brings restoration, honouring the journey – the art of precious scars.

Understanding the value in this Kintsugi process, I presented my broken heart to the Master Restorer.

My plans had been foiled, my dreams had faded , and my hopes had been dashed. Promises made had been snatched out of my hands, and my spirit had been left crushed. As the broken pottery, I had to surrender, knowing I could not fix myself. Surrendering is essentially relinquishing control. If you are anything like me, this isn’t a snap decision nor an easy process, but I knew I had neither the skills nor the resources to repair myself. The Restorer took time, precision and great care. A sense of comfort and relaxation came upon me in giving in to the process. The reconstruction was now out of my hands and in those of one far more qualified and skilled than I. Breathing in deeply and surrendering ushered in a feeling of relief. 

 Picture it as submitting yourself to an anaesthetic and the hands of an expert surgeon.    When you are that broken and in pain, you need to turn to someone else to help fix you.  Not only that, but you are only too willing as you want the pain and suffering to cease.

 

Amethyst Mala beads

During this time, I started to learn some very precious lessons, which are ongoing in this classroom of life.

One of the first was patience, which had never been one of my strengths. The most difficult lesson was to let go of how I viewed myself. My need to be wanted, accepted, appreciated and to feel significant. Feeling broken, my sense of value and purpose had been destroyed too.

The greatest lesson that I was learning was that I was worthy of being restored. 

In being reconstructed, I recognised that I had a slightly altered form which gave me a new purpose.  I had no need to feel shame from my scars of brokenness, imperfection and my sense of failure.  They didn’t need to be hidden. The truth is they need to be visible to remind me of my journey and to others to portray hope.  Scars are also a symbol of having been vulnerable as well as healed.

One of the most encouraging lessons is that when I see myself, I see the scars or veins of gold that represent healing, renewed life and hope.  Lyrics of an early 70’s song come to me, which I have altered to ”You’re so veined”!  Sorry Carly Simon, but that makes me chuckle, (dare I say it cracks me up), as I can now appreciate my imperfect beauty.

 

I’m a Kintsugi girl.

Consider these concepts in your life.  You are more valuable for being broken, and more beautiful for being imperfect.

 

Yes, brokenness is beautiful!

WTF – Where To Forever

WTF – Where To Forever

As I said on my home page, my journey on this planet has been a kaleidoscope of events and emotions that brought me to ask a fundamental question – WTF?

Yes…WTF, What The F…!

I believe we are all destined to ask this very question. For some, you will not use these terms. However, we are all on a journey of discovering who we are, why we are here and for what purpose we were made.

Having lived two- thirds of my life and facing the last third, I was brought to a place of complete brokenness, despair and a sense of meaninglessness.  With the last bits of energy and passion I had left, I cried out to the Great Source, the Creator of all and voiced my disappointment, anger and pain in no uncertain terms.

The many roads I had travelled and the experiences they had given me, had left me confused and shattered. Life had let me down. My perception was that my faith had failed me.  I had even failed myself. The worst was perceiving that even my God and Creator had abandoned me.  My lessons had been heart-wrenching, and I was left weary, feeling unloved with nowhere to place my trust.  The very essence of my life was draining out of my soul.  Most of my dreams and aspirations lay shattered and broken, and I felt I was left with no purpose.  With every tear, I longed for my last breath.  What is this all about?

Yeah, WTF?!

Here’s a treasure – my journey wasn’t over –  it’s still not over!

I want to share what I proceeded to go through and where I am now. Many of you have been on a similar journey. Perhaps you are in the midst of one right now or still have one to face.

I asked.
I knocked.
For many days and weeks, I sought.

Living through the “dark night of the soul”, I had come to the end of myself.  I did the only thing left for me to do; I relinquished control and surrendered…   

Beginning to pupate, I gladly laid that wretched worm, that I felt myself to be, down to die.  Feeling yourself disintegrating and becoming gloop is not a pretty process.  Oh my, but what a valuable and rewarding process it is!  Dissolving my plans, I had to lay my heart and soul down and strip it naked to make myself vulnerable.  With laboured breath and exhaustion, I pictured myself crawling through a desert to a miraged oasis.

There I was welcomed, embraced and cocooned within the winged arms of the Almighty.  Comfort enveloped me, and I breathed in the sense of the beloved.  With loving kindness and in communion with my Creator, sharing and exchanging intimate thoughts and feelings, life began to return to my cells. Thought patterns started transforming, and my wings began to form.

wtf

Treasures began to be built into the fibres of my being.

The iridescence, which allows the glorious splendour of all reflecting and refracting light to form the myriad of colours we see, was being woven into my wings.  My opaque cataracted eyes had their lenses replaced.

My WTF became … Where To Forever.  I had been given “Forever Eyes”.

Tears of Gratitude were gifted to me to help me clear out the grit and grime that we accumulate daily, which distort our vision.  So much happened during that time.  I was being reformed, restored, rewired, rejuvenated, reborn and awakened with a handful of revelations.  The conduit of gold that I had once understood represented a part of my purpose in life, took on a new meaning.  There were more facets to this instrument.  I was always designed to be a channel of the molten metal that flows from the City whose streets are paved with gold.

The essential change – my perspective.  This allowed me to see things from a different angle, through an unfamiliar filter, to re-focus.  I began to see with greater clarity which revealed purpose.  My life was not meaningless!

I emerged from my cocoon, tentatively stretching my wings.  Although this is my soul’s journey, I am now aware that I am in partnership with my God and Creator.  I am deeply grateful for having been brought to the end of myself. I have been given the privilege of being transformed.  With renewed, clearer vision and wings to fly, my journey continues.  My future entries will expand on many of these concepts,  and I look forward to sharing them with you.

So…what is the purpose of my WTF blog?

The purpose is to share my thoughts and treasures as they are given to me along my journey.  My treasures are valuable, but their value is only obtained when they are shared and given away.

One of my best revelations is that we are on this planet to connect with and heal one another.  If my story and blogs can bring light and hope to just a few people on their journey, then I am fulfilling my life’s purpose.  A wonderful part is that as much as I have to give to you, you have to give to me.  Blogs become interactive.  So journey with me.  Let us bring each other healing for our brokenness, shine light into our darkness and evoke laughter for our tears. Let us turn our pain into joy, breathe life into that which is dying within us, and the greatest of all, spread love, which conquers our fears.

As Rabbi Nathan Segal said:

“From you I receive,
to you I give,
together we share,
and from this, we live.”

There is so much magnificence out there – journey with me.